I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
where am i from again
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
