You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
