Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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