Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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