My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
