Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
