Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
