no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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