he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
