see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
