you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
