these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
