So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
