i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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