My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
