return my video game
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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