I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
