somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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