Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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