Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Let's paint friendship bongs
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
