dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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