You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
