I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
