Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
