Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
