Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
