My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
