can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
