I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
