in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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