thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
