I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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