I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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