Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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