I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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