your parents love me but you hate me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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