I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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