I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
