Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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