My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
