Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
