i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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