remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
