before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
