No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
