My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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