its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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