he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
