this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
