Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
