Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
