i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
