i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
