Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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