why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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