Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
